The Beginning – Everything was exhausting
I tried too hard to start feeling “normal” again. I just didn’t realise when it went from bad days to a bad couple of years. Working in an unhealthy working environment only made things worse, especially because I couldn’t stop myself from observing how twisted all of it really is. I didn’t only lose my creativity but I also stopped believing in people. I was on a complete downward spiral by the end of 2017 to a point where living was nothing but exhausting and terrifying.
Obviously, my natural instinct was to flee. I was never good at confronting situations anyway but I was aware that that running won’t help. So I tried for months to make things right. I even went on two vacations and did a couple of freelancing gigs after leaving my job but nothing felt good. Travelling was a drag too— uncomfortable buses, the difficulties, the unfamiliarity and the unnecessary small talks.
One day, without thinking much I decided to make bookings to reach Mcleodganj because I had been there before and I loved the experience. My family wasn’t in favour of these irrational decisions but I had stopped trying to convince them. I was left with less than 8000/- Rupees and I knew that I had nothing to lose so I might as well give this a try.
The forests above Mcleodganj are something else so I decided to live in one, away from all the major places. I found a village with 4 families in it and started living in a small room on rent for INR 5,000 per month—the washroom used to be 20 steps away. I remember hearing panting leopards at night and watching the Vultures circle around in the mornings. Yep, that’s how remote. I had also started hiking every day for hours on difficult trails and instead of being scared, my brain was reacting positively to these incidents.