“Ni woofer tu meri..meri. Main tera amplifaaya..faaya.” (You are my woofer, I’m your amplifier.)
If by any chance during your travels you come across a car (most probably an SUV) playing the above-mentioned cult song on (almost) full volume, it’s highly likely that there’s a proud Punjabi on the driver’s seat.
Well, this is it. Thank your fortunes. For if you befriend them, there’s nothing that they won’t do for you thence. If you crave to ask how I know this or how dare I stereotype Punjabis, I must tell you that I’m one myself.
Ladies and gentlemen, behno te praavo, welcome to the unapologetically loud and pompous world of the Punjabis. They are a unique subspecies within the rest of the relatively normal terrestrials amongst us. What makes them really special, but really-really funny at the same time is their don’t-care-a-damn attitude towards life. It’s always now-or-never for them. And, trust me, they seldom give up on their pursuit for anything they want.
Now, because they basically do all things in the manner that can only be achieved by them, it’s kind of easy to spot them in the crowd. So, God forbid, in case you encounter any sort of a problem whether you are travelling alone or with your friends/family, you could easily bank upon the first Punjabi that you see to help you because altruism falls in their innate nature. Once you get to know them well, they are mostly lovable and endearing at all times.
Here are the 10 usual traits of Punjabis that will help you spot them:
1. Baby ko bass pasand hai!
If there is anything that one can universally identify with Punjabis is their taste in music. Popular Punjabi music holds a lot of distinct beats (read: Yo-Yo) even if the theme of the song is somewhat glum. So, as mentioned right in the beginning of this piece, if there’s loud music playing somewhere in the vicinity, chances are you’re in the proximity of a Punjabi.
2. Language bc
I’ve personally been hearing this since the beginning of time. Why do I sometimes blurt out a curse word without any rhyme or reason. Well, to be honest, that’s how Punjabis are. They don’t mean it, but it’s just an integral part of their regular conversational lingo. In other words, if by any chance you hear something absolutely outrageous from someone in a casual conversation, it’s most probably a Punjabi.
3. All that glitters is Punjabi
“Tommy diyaan shirtaan... ainak Armani.” (Tommy Hilfiger’s shirts, Armani’s sunglasses.)
This is a popular Punjabi song glorifying the peculiar fashion sense of the Punjabi community. And it is not the only song or pop culture reference that finds itself referring to this, because there’s a strong reason for that. Punjabis believe in showing off even when there’s nobody around. If during a difficult trek you happen to see someone in a pair of red Puma Ferrari sneakers and a body-hugging t-shirt with a golden Versace insignia on it, you know who that guy is.
4. Jatt risky after a whole lot of whisky
In case you’re short on liquour at any point during your trip and you are in dire need of it, just befriend a Punjabi if you see one. In most likelihood, he will have a surplus stock of the finest whisky in his car. They believe in storing for the end of the world. Always.
5. SUV is their birth right and they will have it
And where do they store all that stuff? In their big-ass sports utility vehicle. Punjabis just cannot do without their Fortuners or Pajeros; not just because SUVs are another medium of tawdriness, but because such vehicles are extremely spacious and hence convenient to store their large suitcases full of clothes and alcohol wherever they go.
6. Will go out of their way to help
If for some reason you are stranded at a place in the dead of the night and you seemingly have nowhere to go and seek refuge, you can trust a Punjabi to go out of his way to help you. If you happen to have any contact number of one or you come across one, do not hesitate to ask for help. They will gladly oblige.
7. "Khaate-peete ghar ke hain"
Punjabis are genetically gifted with good physiques. Obviously some of them are either exceptions or just do not take care of their bodies, which results in liberal paunches (another trademark of their interesting personalities).
8. Travel with the entire pind
They could give their lives for their families and friends. And hence chances are that they travel in large groups wherever they go. They enjoy their lives with their kin and spare no chances in showing even that off to the rest of the world. Also, this is another reason why they own SUVs.
9. Jugaadu by birth
They will have a very innovative solution for almost every problem, and they are innately gifted like that. They have a natural propensity to think out of the box and hence “by hook or by crook” perfectly suits their entire clan. If by any chance you feel down and out, look for a Punjabi around you for advice.
10. God is omnipresent. So are Punjabis.
And it really wouldn’t take you long to look for a Punjabi around you, because they’re literally everywhere. Canada and Australia may be absolutely stereotypical examples from abroad, but they can be found all across the globe because of their inherent ability to prosper everywhere. They put their heart and soul into everything they do, hence come out on top winning.
By the way, Punjabis are also hard to offend. They are short-tempered but have a great sense of humour. Hence, I hope they take this piece in a lighter vein.