The wind that just passed through was for you,
The sun is dying for the night but it kept its last rays warm on your cheeks
Soon it will be dark but the moon and these stars were to spread radiance in you.
These clouds have lost their way for you to notice their silver lining
These trees giving silence to your Retrospection.
Yet they sway at your sight, presence not to be ignored.
Even the Rocks speak,if you listen..
Life at Kalga:
Work, walk, sit at a chosen spot, walk more, sit,watch, walk back, work, social time and sleep. I was supposed to meditate & write for most of the time but what I did't have was 'money' to earn it. I had to work so me & Hachi don't become a liability for our friend who was generous enough to add on a liter in milk specially for Hachi in daily groceries, then some my time was also spend with the guests staying over for anything that I could help them or with those interested in a discourse with me. The place was full some of the days, those were the busy days. I managed to convince the guests interested in taking meals at the cafe to try Indian food, I had my confidence in that arena and no one was disappointed though it got a little spicy now & then. I have been added an extra mouth to feed in form of Khaju,( a fresh mother bitch) who gave birth to 5 healthy puppies but looked famished herself. Post that addition we also had different morsel guests whom I only offered morsels, could't bear to spend one extra minute in Kitchen.
Social time was spend in jamming sessions with the 'yogis' at the Yog house, bonfires at Dream Hut with Jaggery wine or sugarcane vodka & Pedro in his funny Hindi, listening to his ''It is in my speculation'' and beautifully added Spanish sections in that left unexplained and unasked , at the mountain view in its furnace hall cafe with 'rainbow' friends or at Peace, in peace. Random conversations,wishes & smiles had become a ritual. I saw so many people come & go in my eyes and I evaluated '' Everything and everyone had come to go'' The first nights were moon nights, I had stopped lighting my torch, eyes adept in understanding the language of its glow. Any artificial light diminished the silvering glow of moonlight on everything it touched. I had become a night walker in the spell of that sky and Shooting stars passed by to make me believe my enchantment.
'' No matter how naive they say you are,
Even if its your innocence, however selfish they call
Dance to those bells you heard when you lived
It takes courage to be what you are 'Child'
But you can't be that forever
You have to be brave,
It takes courage to step up but wisdom to stay
Listen to 'it' again,
Its so precious that's why hidden
Learn to be indifferent to praise and blame*
Nobody can steal you from you
Just never let you destroy you.
The best way to predict is to create''*
I was 'de-tox'' with each breath. It was aesthetic...Everything. Beauty had new dimensions, suddenly I was optimism again. I washed all my toxins away. Hachi stayed within a 100 m radius now. A village lady that came to provide woods told us that she had seen her In Pulga - Tulga. Great, I had to take out some time to go there myself now.
No guests now, 22-10-2016 Diwali was coming, I needed to do the Kheerganga trek before I went back. Thanks to Kanishq, my knee had all the support it needed. Pedro had left the same morning along with two common friends. Ravin was to accompany us though he had presumed that I will be a steady trekker but the woods might have pumped in extra oxygen in, giving me an innate sense in walking and breathing rest I ought to being a sportsperson. I'm surprised to meet Bhalu along with snowy from Kalga, Ravin told me that those dogs did a lot farther treks than Kheerganga. I did't doubt it,( it gave me a feeling that Hachi too would have been longing to go to Keerganga. I was dead sure that the reason for her missing for 2 days was a travel expedition offered by her new friends and they would have mentioned Kheerganga to her).
We reached there with the advent of dark, the venue concealing itself till the morning show, my eyes already curious to see the fading away. Next step was most awaited, my first spring bath and that too in Kheerganga. No one in at the ladies Bath, I hold that place to myself for more than an hour, under the canopy of trees and stars. When out was not the one who went in, my body feels almost fainted with a rush of exhilaration, my body felt weight full for a moment and then light as feather. I was sure that some of the dark me has been absolved here, I did't feel cold for the night, my knee like nothing happened and it is true. We were to stay at the Shiva cafe,in a big hall covered 3/4 in bedding, dimly lighted & warm with furnace, everyone was to sleep there. And then came Music with feelings. Bhawna walked in with three other guys, two of them apparently younger than her something made this group intriguing. They came trekking from Barsheni,all in dark. Wow!! It was 11:30 PM or near,off time and the only place that seemed open to them was Shiva cafe, they inquired for food and were denied with closure, when they came back again Ravin insisted the owner to at least get Maggi prepared, I felt the same they would have been starved after that trek. He agreed and they sat along after a formal introduction. I felt empowered along a woman's company. I was the only one before she walked in and for some reasons I got this feeling that she was the source holding this group together. Abhay, Aman and Bhawna were working together, Jatin a first timer in Himalayas from Mumbai. They kept back their professional identities to be Aman the one with his Ukulele, Abhay with such proficiency in making his hands draw out sounds out of anything firm a drum mist otherwise and Bhawna their captivating lead vocalist along with everyone else present. We just start to jam and I find myself singing along without even knowing. A current had passed through all of us like a musical awakening, our best jam of the night was on 'Senorita' From 'Zindgi Na Milegi Dobara' in which Pedro did the Spanish part in eloquence. The symphony & warmth had charged the atmosphere and I get this feeling that I would't have opened up like that without 'Bhawna' around. ''Sometimes you don't open up in a lifetime with someone and sometimes even a moment is enough to open your life for lifetime''
When unable to view a place where I have arrived at dark my eyes automatically open up with the sunrise to look it at its best. It was full of blends, coniferous foliage in all the shades of green, golden meadows, snow pecked mountains. It was too cold for me with the clothes I had but then this place had been gifted with a Kheer Ganga. The place has a mythical significance, people living in nearby villages state that spring was made by Parvati to feed her son Kheer (the white sulfur in the water gives a milky appearance to the water) plus it is an opening to all the treks around, The Manthalai, Pin Parvati, Spiti Vallley, Bhunbhuni, The Great Himalayan National Park . My body & soul had responded to that water and no reminiscence of my injury left after my three baths. We were to leave for Kalga the same day.
The JBAA group was to visit Kalga too. First time for them, and they they found it impeccable. Next day I decide to take them to Yog house, The yogis were a little particular about their guests but I knew they would love this company as music & Jam lovers.
That night had taken in all its raw energy to each one of us in that hall to make our senses transform it in music, like magic. 2 guitars, a Ukulele, Djembe, a handmade pipe instrument, that wooden instrument that Narad Muni used while saying 'Narayan Narayan', the innate rhythm everyone is given with their voice, claps & whistles and the head of yogis Swapnashree who enchanted all of with her random songs. I don't know weather they played to tune in with her vocals or she invented those songs along the tunes that were being played. Music had formed around us, it came inevitably. I wish I could have shared the audio clips that Aman made. That rush could have made an aurora in that room, that energy was so un-containable.
Eternal bliss is so simple that it becomes complex when accomplished.
I decided to accompany them till Kasol on their way back. I also had to check weather my account was credited with the cash I was expecting. Hachi was left at Kalga after shown my bag pack trying to give her an assurance that I would be back for that and her.
Suddenly everything was apparent. Why was I here? What I had to be when I went back?and why was I? My spontaneous had made me flow like my element, Water. I blended in with everything & made my flow out with what I had be- gained. Everything had become a study of energies, Evolution, though I never realized that there is the biggest energy that made evolution possible Death, and it came inescapably. While facing dichotomy in my decisions I always choose randomly from 2 options following the random choice made for me and it always turns out the one best or the one to be for me. No cash credited, I still had sufficient to buy a ticket for Barsheni but I decide to choose on Bus or Ride?? and came Ride. I had walked 2 km from Manikaran, stood at the same point for half an hour felling an eerie anxiety in taking a ride. I waved to the only car going at a easy pace.
Hiimanshu & Deepak had just arrived from Delhi, Himanshu was showing Deepak around, who was in Parvati valley for the first time, it was Himanshu's 23rd. They were not sure weather they would go more than 4-5 km before heading back to Kasol but it seemed a good company with better music playing in the car.
Take one look at yourself, realize
life's been treating you nice,
you better be wise and enjoy your moment.
Take one look at yourself into your eyes,
How you treated your life??
It was't too wise
Cause its getting Closer*
Both of them had electrified with my company, even Himanshu had never heard of Kalga though he had been to Tosh. It was getting dark and as they had considered me a friend so automatically their '' Drop the girl safe'' instinct had arrived. It was by night we reached Barsheni. They also decide to go and stay at Kalga, a little reluctant to do the trek. Once at the entrance of village we plan to take some rest at the 1st point of Kalga Snow Line. There was no moon, making the stars shine brighter and there were millions and millions of them looking down at us. Himanshu said '' You know bhai you could see a shooting star within 5 minutes of looking at this sky" Deepak bhai always in his hilarious mood made us play this game, we were to say a word each all three of us and see on whose turn we see one. He had never witnessed a shooting star before. The game went on for more than few minutes. I don't know what came in me and it felt like its not gonna happen like this and I said ''Silence'' and there we saw it prominent enough to be witness by three of us. We watched the sky in silence then, I cannot even express what I felt but it was the most powerful connection that I felt with this Universe. My spirits were exalted.
''A Wise Person Is Never Taken By Surprise, They Are Always Ready To Go''*
For some reasons I asked them not to mention that I came all the way from Manikaran with them, Ravin was an understanding fellow but I had seen a scrutiny in his eyes about the way I was. I have been considered absolutely crazy by some of my friends, what they did't know was the way I planned things in my mind. 95% it would work and for the rest 5% I had already invented a plan B. I guess i'm a survivalist who just does't want to live but have a life. Hachi goes crazy on seeing me, Ravin reprimanded me for leaving her alone as she had been mad in separation anxiety. I felt guilty and a little restless at how she would have felt. Himanshu & Deepak made themselves at home and Ravin liked them a lot, as they were genuinely interested in knowing about him and the place. Ravin had asked me to maintain a guest - friend distinction before, but I had learned to be the way I am. I let no one interrupt in my alone time & my social time can also be with a Rikshaw vala. I had retracted from many notions that restrained me in any way.
Next evening: Himanshu and Deepak had returned from their walk around, I sat with them for some time, Ravin was away on some errands. Electricity have been returned to the village. I was preparing the dinner before hand, we were to go at Dream hut, both of them eager to meet Pedro after my account of him and it was getting colder day by day. I heard Deepak calling Himanshu, for a second It seemed to be in mirth but the shrieks got louder with every passing second, I felt a poignant snap in my heart because of the way he was shouting out his name, I ran upstairs to see Himanshu in an un conscious state, I had been sitting with him 10 minutes ago. Himanshu who was mostly silent, It had seemed that some of his dreariness that I saw when I met him had gone. We had discussed few of our major troubles and something told me that all of us had found a way out. Witnessing that shooting star had made us trust each other in a peculiar way and now this boy was unconscious. The nearest hospital was in Jari 7 km from Kasol, 27 from Barsheni. I called my uncle who is a doctor and he said '' Don't wait, take him for medical supervision ASAP'' Deepak was inconsolable, Himanshu considered him his elder brother. Surmised on his un clenched Jaws the local doctor told us that it was a fit and he was now in a deep sleep and would wake up in some time. Ambulance had been for anyway.
''Tear drop on the floor, of a confession. Fearless on me, breath''
When I made my random decision the choice that came was ''Don't wait, take him to the Hospital''. Everyone else had suggested otherwise, most of the people I knew were there. They had a car, we could have taken him till the ambulance coming all the way from Jari to save time, but on the Doctor's advice everyone was hopefully assured and taking him down could have also risked hypothermia, I stayed quiet through all this while my inner voice was asking to be voiced it was a matter of Life Or Death.
Deepak bhai had left the decision to us but he would have urged them to take him if I asked him to do so. I ignored the strongest voice I've ever had to go with the majority. The ward boy came after 2 and a half hours to declare that It was too late. My heart collapsed into Nothingness yet with demolished hope we decide to take him to the Hospital. I got into an argument to defend my stand even while I had been asked to stop and there I was, unable to voice my strongest intuition. I felt morbid . I decided to go in the Ambulance with Deepak bhai, Ravin unable to understand my need to do so. Swapnashree asked me to stay back '' He's gone'' she said but how could I leave Deepak and Himanshu alone. I brought them here, they were my friends given by destiny. Deepak said '' Malvika hold his hands and request him to get up, he considers you his friend, Please!!!" so I took his hands felt the barren cold yet prayed to the one in charge. Prayed for the first time in last 5 years. '' Please return him to life and I will never doubt your existence again'' those cold hands in mine, without a teardrop. The Doctors even gave him an adrenaline shot on our continuous request but once gone It was never to be revived in the same form again. I had exposed myself to fear yet never got away with it but that incident came to liberate me from the greatest of all '' Death''.
Ravin bewildered, asked me '' Why he chose Peace??''. My answer in Silence. He died of Cardiac arrest, to me it seemed like a decision made on choice, he went like a Shooting star No pain, no blame. He seemed agitated when we came but that day Peace had transformed his demeanor. 1 minute before this incident Deepak had asked him '' Are you going to sleep" and his last words were '' Haan bhai, I'm sleeping'' and there, he slept forever at the perfect spot of Kalga. It felt cryptic but not spooky. Next evening I went up to the place to light a candle where he sat, switched on all the light bulbs. Himanshu had left electricity behind but the place was't sullen even without those lights. That was to be my last night at Kalga, I could't bear to spend one more.
We reached back at Dhanteras, I had only met him a day before, I wondered how Deepak and Himanshu's family would be feeling. We were to make so many amends in our respective lives on return.
So many times I have felt his presence around in the winds, in some particular birds or in a realization like he had helped me take that. A feeling so strong and powerful that it would make me utter '' Is that you Himanshu?''. I checked my Facebook account after 6 months of absence. It was 13th of December 2016, and as I accept Himanshu's request, I get a notification on my wall for it was his Birthday. I was back since Diwali yet that had to be the day when I check my profile. I found message requests from his sister, who had seen my photograph in his phone along with a note made on the title of my first trip published on Tripoto. ''In the night the stormy night away she'd fly'' along with my name so she guessed it would be me and searched me on Facebook. I talked to her the same day. ''He would have turned 25 right?? '' I asked her, I remember him mentioning that he was 24 and she said '' No, he was 23''. I have always considered my number to be 23, I did't know How to feel. I came back home, Lighted a candle in his remembrance at my terrace.
I had decided to work on this travelogue as soon as I returned home but did't start until another incidence repeated its lesson again. I had met Anand for the first time at my first time in Kalga, my friendship grew stronger with him while he stayed in a village near Meerut to do a documentary. I visited him there often to help him as a translator to English. Anand was from Tamil Nadu and we shared some strong similarities in the way of living , it was he who gave me the collection of Studio Ghilbi movies. I had discussed my trip with him and he said ''Hey, you experienced Life & Death." An adventurer to bone, he had stayed there absolutely compact in a area that's entirely different from where he came from among people whose language he did't understand and in absolute harmony, though he also had Santosh along. (Santosh was a friend of smaller conversations, he found really lazy to speak in English even though he was good with it, though Anand told me that he's loquacious with Tamil.) My last conversation with him was a day prior to Holi. He told me that he's looked up for a perfect job for me at a Travel enterprise. I was busy with the rush and told him I will call back after Holi. We both had this habit of talking only when free and in mood and that would go for more than an hour. 2 days later I receive a text message from his brother to all his friends telling that Anand was no more. It came in as a shock. I was impossible to believe that I will not be unable to talk to him forever now. He had gone to a trek expedition in Andhra Pradesh where he drowned in an accident at the pool of a waterfall where they had decided to take rest and bath. His manager had asked him '' What are you gonna do''?? before he stepped into the pool and his last words were ''You're gonna witness something that will turn you into an adventurer forever''. The same night I could't sleep for the whole night in a long long time,next day I told my mother that it seemed like my great grand fathers and mothers both paternal and maternal ( I consider myself lucky to have their crystal clear memory, all 4 of them) were around or something. Anand used to say '' Hey asshole, there is nothing wrong with you, you just don't know what are you up to. Once you know that you'll be unstoppable'' and Himanshu told me '' Look at your face then see in your eyes what you have, How can you even think of something like that'' on one of my horrible ideas.
I guess why I chose to travel and write has something to do with their omnipresence in different respects. Even though they cannot make a un concealable contact now that they are unbound of a human form but flares are meant to be comprehended within and there will be always a light that guides. There is a reason behind everything, Why we got these two particular people as our parents? These family members?? This neighborhood?? All the people you meet from Billions on Earth and the life you begot. I will meet all these people again, I will know the secrets of this Universe, All my questions will be answered but only when I live along the Nature. ''Every act against Nature will never go Unpunished''*. We were to love, work, give. We need to remove hatred, anger and indifference to life. There will be numerous teachings but take the lesson. Not always life gives a second chance, It is conveying something to all of us ''*and ''Plan as if you are to live forever, live as if you are going to die tomorrow''*
And Everything Is Nature
Nothing is nature
The Negative Is Nature
In Positive Is Nature..
Balance In Paradox
Life Is Nature, Death Was By Nature.