From the Shores of Tulu Nadu

Day 01 - Bengaluru - udupi

It had been nearly 1.5 years since I came to Bharat, as I mentioned in my previous blog Kaashi. I was battling in my mind. My thoughts were stuck between two worlds-whether to continue my career in the United States or return to India.

Would it be fair to leave my parents in India for a long time while I try to settle my career abroad?Will I be considered a loser if I come back?I'm not scared of what distant relatives might say.I'm scared that my own people might see me as a failure if I take too long to find my path.

And then there's the time I might lose with them-my family-while chasing something far away.Is it right to choose myself over my parents?Or should I choose my parents over everything-because they gave me life, shaped who I am, and loved me through it all?

Without their support, I am nothing.But there are days when their words hurt me-especially when they say I'll lose precious time with them if I keep running behind my career.And yet, if I stay and don't chase what I set out to, they'll call me indecisive.

Are all these feelings even valid?Is it okay to feel this confused?

When I came to India in December 2024, I carried this storm inside me. I was scared-scared of what the future might hold.But amidst all that mental chaos, I was also soaking in the comfort of home... the warmth of my best friends, my pets, the food, and the little familiar joys.I was happy... and I was battling myself at the same time.

I know nothing lasts forever.But I've realized something: we're never truly ready to lose time with the people we love.That's the hardest part of growing up.We're never truly ready to manage our emotions when we miss someone deeply.Yes, it's good to be strong and content with life... but this is the bitterest truth.

On the Road to Udupi

While all of this churned inside me, we decided to go to Udupi, my hometown. I feel like my soul and heart have belonged there for many lives.

I had waited for this trip the entire 1.5 years I was in America, and finally-it was time.

We left Bengaluru early in the morning. It was an 8-hour road trip to Udupi.Since it was still dark out, I curled up in the back seat and slept the entire way.

But it wasn't just sleep.It was trust-in my dad and mom.That in their hands, I was safe. I could let go.I had missed that feeling for so long-being taken care of, being the child again, being safe.

That carefree sleep meant more to me than I could explain.

In that back seat, I realized something:

Parents always wish the best for you.Sometimes, they just don't know what that "best" is.

And we, as daughters or sons, end up arguing with them-not because we want to rebel, but because we're trying to figure out life in a way that works for all of us.

They fear we'll go broke following our passions.I fear I'll lose time with them while following mine.

Over the years, I've come to understand the value of money-it gives you the power to walk away from uncomfortable situations.But I've also understood the value of character -that's what protects you when people try to cross your boundaries.

That morning in the backseat? It taught me all of that.

Welcome to Udupi

We stopped at Kamat Hotel for breakfast and had a simple South Indian meal-idlis, of course. We joked around, teased each other, and shared the kind of conversations that feel like home.

In the back of my mind, though, I knew I'd have to leave for America again. That thought never really left me.

We reached Udupi around 7 PM, checked into our hotel, got freshened up, and rushed to Udupi Krishna Matha.

It was the night of Rathotsava.

But before that, I needed darshan of Udupi Sri Krishna.

There was a long queue, but we opted for the special entry.Even then, the wait was long.

I had waited 1.5 years for this moment, and yet those last 30 minutes felt the longest.I was restless, still stuck in my inner battles.

And then, finally-I saw him.My Krishna.

The world around me blurred into silence.It was just Krishna and me.

And I broke.I didn't cry out loud.But inside, I wept like a child.Like that kid who holds in all the frustration from school, all the pain, all the pressure-and finally sees their mom and breaks down.

That's how I felt standing there in front of the idol.

I didn't cry outwardly-but my heart was crying.