I still didn't understand fully and in this case, it was a major contributing factor to lead me to travel alone with the least amount of resource I can afford to my capability. I prepared the trip for two years while working as a public service agent under the National Compulsory Military service in South Korea Seoul, not knowing how long or where the journey is going to lead to. At that point, I was sick and tired of living in perpetual routine and not being able to explore the experiences of other lives bound by economic shackle that we are all part of.
From many of my friends family and people I met throughout daily life up to this point, I have always sensed somewhat "belonging to nowhere." It's not that I don't love the people around me or I dislike the state of being around other people, in fact, I love other people more than myself which might have been the problem that dragged me apart feeling like I don't fit in anywhere. This is something I kept secret to my close friends and family to this day since I couldn't even express what I was feeling to the point where I almost got numb.
Since day one, I started backpack traveling from Canada with some fear and perhaps maybe even attempt to run away from society, I was terrified of turning down the expectation of others who trust me. So I became nobody and started wandering around to find answers without calling anything a name. I just wanted to see things as they are.