It all really started at a friend's house-warming; a young girl asked me what I did and I said I had quit my job this January to travel the world quite plainly. And she; cutely fluttered her maskara filled pretty eyes and said, "Oh Wow!! Where All? With your husband or like with friends??"
There was complete disbelief in her big eyes and gaping through her neat fringe she immediately clarified.. "Just you??".. and awkward pause.. "And your husband allowed it??"
I wasn't prepared; I had started socializing only lately and all whose company I was mostly in were not surprised with my plans at all. So I paused; pulled back a little in the sofa I was and said "Well ya.. Why won't he??" and felt an uncontrollable compulsion to explain... "Well he knows I like to travel.. You know.. And so ya he is totally supportive and stuff..." and I kept rambling for several moments and she kept looking.. and listening intently like somewhere I was gonna tell her the secret of how I managed to what I was doing with my husband and family. But I couldn't.
Hmmmm... Did he allow it? Did he?? Well in retrospect I hadn't really asked... like at all. We did have a conversation around budgets about it and I had made it clear that I could afford it... but that was really it. I hadn't asked.. and he hadn't refused. My husband is my friend and a well travelled man, and trusts me. And it is this trust that keeps me grounded.
It's not just the men who were to be blamed. No. No. It wasn't. We were to be blamed equally or even a little more I'd imagine.
The reason why I always felt comfortable wearing anything and going for a movie alone in England or many other western countries at any time was because at sometime women had changed how they allowed men to treat them in their societies and also how they accepted and supported each other through their tough decisions like separations or divorces or molestation.
Men are men everywhere, geographies don't change sexual behaviour or psychology. They will take whatever you can give. But we women, when we ignore when a man stares at us for a minute too long and look away or get busy...? We have allowed him to repeat.
When we women walk away faster digging our eyes in our feet, when we hear a lewd comment instead of turning around and reacting like any other human would, we have allowed them to repeat.
When our men hit us and we forgive them; we have allowed them to do it over and over again.
When we let them tell us how to dress instead of teaching their own kind that being dis-respectable to women is uncool we had allowed them to oppress us and rule us.
When we judge our own sisters and blame them for the pain they go through and say 'You shouldn't have been out late" or gossip "Have you seen what she wears" we are making us weaker.
And it is when we seek permission inspite of being educated and independent instead of talking about it like one human to another that we become dependent and hence the weaker sex by choice which is truly dependent. Let's talk about it, address it, face it, refuse it, debate it.
I say enough of blaming men and governments and playing victims. We take our own responsibility and stop waiting to be rescued and create our own solution, be the corrector and the truly stronger, fairer sex, cause we just really are!