Conquering Self

7th Oct 2019
Photo of Conquering Self by Ayushi Saxena

Don't we all have that one thing waiting in our bucket list which no doubt we wish to do but are scared too?
I had one similar thing, FEAR; fear of running water. I always went to all these places like Rishikesh, Manali and saw people relishing these water sports. I so wanna be a part of such happening people, but that fear of water always pulled me back. There was this fear that I might die, I might get drowned and no one will come to save me, how will I breathe?
This year too I had this impression but something really fascinating transpired. I was on a journey with my 24 other friends to Mukteshwar and nearby places. During the last 3 days of our excursion, we were hanging around the Ramganga beach camp. Everyone decided to go for bodysurfing, Kayaking and slithering. I was a bit scared but I was evading it. I was not allowing it to come on my face. I excitedly geared up with a live jacket and all and soon was tinkering with water at the shore. When our facilitator asked, 'How many of you don't know how to swim?' I guess I was the one with both hands up. We all were given basic lessons about swimming and how to body surf the river then and there itself. Ok fine, my live jacket can keep me surviving for the next 48 hrs, I thought to myself.
We all picked up slips in order to decide the sequence of everyone's turn and mine read 3. Too early! I saw one of my friends who was really unhappy and willing to exchange his slip because he wants to go asap and his slip read 8. Without any additional thought, I switched my slip.
I saw my friends soon surfing on the river body and I was sitting there, witnessing how the river threw them back and forth as if it was reluctant to allow anyone in, or maybe it was his way of helping us in arriving at our destination soon. The number went on till 20, other than me only 4 were left. Suddenly I saw my facilitator walking towards me, he simply asked: "What is your number?" I showed him my piece of paper. And he resumed, "What happened Ayushi, why are you not in then?" I said, "Sir, I'm scared of water. What if I died?". He smiled and said, "You know why we call 'mother nature'? You believe your mother will let you die? Come on Ayushi, it's a lifetime experience and if you wanna be this much scared in your corporate life too than ok it's fine. I wonder how your employees will treat a threatened HR manager."
That was my moment, I knew it. That was the push I needed maybe. The only thought which came to my mind was, no I don't want to be treated like that and secondly what the worst can happen, I'll die right. Fine, I will go and meet my grandparents then.
I asked one of my friends standing on the cliff to push me into the water without letting me know, else I'll be reluctant. He did that and within a matter of seconds, I was relishing the process. I was hugged by river multiple times, I was floating on the surface. As I passed by a few cliffs, I was able to see my friends standing there, their lips moving but I was not able to hear them. As if my all senses have stopped working and the only thing in my mind was how to get back to the shore. That was the state of complete mindfulness.
I was rescued by the team and to my wonder, they were offering me glucose and biscuits. I was like had I done so bad? Was I supposed to be tired? I enjoyed it right? No, I loved it.
I went back to the starting cliff and this time jumped into the river because I want to hug my mother tightly. (I went back after that even and my faculty pulled me out of the water than😉 and next day I went for kayaking and slithering too)
I learned that this is all a mind game, fear is nothing but just your mind not letting you do certain things. The instructions which you send to your brain drives the entire thing.

Ramganga Beach Camp

Photo of Wildrift - Riveredge Ramganga, Thal-Nachni Rd, Nachni, Uttarakhand, India by Ayushi Saxena
Photo of Wildrift - Riveredge Ramganga, Thal-Nachni Rd, Nachni, Uttarakhand, India by Ayushi Saxena

Bodysurfing times

Photo of Wildrift - Riveredge Ramganga, Thal-Nachni Rd, Nachni, Uttarakhand, India by Ayushi Saxena
Photo of Wildrift - Riveredge Ramganga, Thal-Nachni Rd, Nachni, Uttarakhand, India by Ayushi Saxena