Tears, a proposal and a choice.

2nd Oct 2021
Photo of Tears, a proposal and a choice. by Arpita Shah
Day 1

After Goa, we somehow managed to just reach in time for the train. Because of some really good and honest people we even bought reserved tickets for the travel which we were gonna reach within 2 hours and worth 10 days of food which got emptied within the next hour. I still didn't get my sandwich that I had ordered.

But we reached.


Photo of Tears, a proposal and a choice. by Arpita Shah

All in one..

Photo of Tears, a proposal and a choice. by Arpita Shah
Day 2

We had booked a room for 7 in Gokarna international beach resort but Ck and her fiance had already reached there well before time.

It was a very huge, kick-ass, splendid property with all amenities, beach facing rooms, a swimming pool and later, I even got a complimentary free drink because I was crying, exemplary service!

The first thing after getting ready was to enjoy the sunset, so we went there first.

Playful evenings at Gokarna

Photo of Tears, a proposal and a choice. by Arpita Shah

A lot of banter ensued but the highlight of that night was that all enmity between me and Harshit was subdued (we never agreed onto anything). Dur to a simple hiccup, we went on to becoming loving buddies, all because of a hiccup and a scare.
From friends to....(hiccup and scared that someone moved past me..) Fuck!
That's the title of the night! That's what I said.

That night, we played a lot of games, almost went back to childhood, playing dumbcharades, ice water, judgement, and some random games I don't remember the name of, but we had a lot of fun!
The next day's plan was to go for an early morning kayaking tour for which Satyam had been excited since Goa. So, ofcourse it wasn't to be missed. Not again.

We went to our beds - one room for the couple and the other room in which 2 had already slept ghode bech ke.. so one room for the rest 5 of us. We hadn't anticipated so many people joining us at the ninth hour. But naah, we didn't sleep, we decided to go swim. Diksha slept but the rest four went in for a swim. We played and had contests contested in the pool for nearly an hour and a half before we finally got tired and decided to rest for the day.

At 3 in the pool

Photo of Tears, a proposal and a choice. by Arpita Shah
Day 3

The next day we woke up early to reach our destination. Though I wasn't going to go in the water. I was visited by my special frenemy like every other month and I wasn't allowed to be in the water anymore, and it was painful and emotional for me, a lot. But I wanted to still go because I didn't want to be a spoilsport for someone.

I ended up becoming one nevertheless.

The kayaking tour operator was making some irrational demands and I wasn't agreeing to it. He was asking for 1700 bucks per person for an hour of kayaking, if we started right away, or lesser cost if we did an hour later. We did start an hour later and still paid 1700 bucks per person. But this involved me fighting a lot with Satyam and Harshit which I was avoiding at all costs, in this trip.
But what hurt me most was his uncaring attitude and I don't know why, as he was making fun of me on the boat, because I was always a carefree person enough to take someone's sour lemons and make a sweet lemonade off it that he didn't realise that I was really upset this time and instead of coming up with a comeback, I don't know what hit me and I started crying. I guess it's quite overwhelming to be on a trip since the last 15 days, try to be understanding, and then be made fun of (i knew it was harmless but still), that I just started crying. Legit tears. And I couldn't stop. The first packet of tissues was completely used and still, I couldn't stop.

We went at the back of the boat and waddled through the waters, CK and me, and I got a little calm in the waters.. I wanted to stop myself but the tears just won't stop.

And everyone just went silent.

Then everyone came one by one asking if everything's okay. Ofcourse they didn't know what was going on, but they might have guessed it. Anything wrong happens, it must be hormones. I haven't cried since the last 3 years, if anything, it was definitely not crushing hormones but I would like to give the benefit of doubt here because there's no way sane Arpita would have done this.

And then, I was peacefully sitting in the boat and they told me to come down - it wasn't that deep so I agreed and I don't know which foolish person decided to think it wise to pull a girl in deepwaters after she had just cried.


And now that I was all wet, I thought might as well  go kayaking but alas, one person wouldn't leave the kayak - Satyam. I never realised how much he cared only for himself. That day I witnessed it. Eventually, Sushant actually knew how to make me laugh. I don't know why girls don't give good guys a chance. He was one of those, a caring and helping boy that no one would look or talk to twice because of the promising nature that they carry of not being a bad fuck boy. I had a wonderful time with him as he obeyed each order that I gave him that day. I am sorry, if you are reading this. I know you didn't mind but still.

And then, these people wanted to walk in the sun to the lunch area. I had already drawn too much attention to myself that day so I didn't argue further. It was a fucking 6kms walk and they realised it after covering 3 kms on foot in the sun. If I had more tears left, I would have cried a second time but this was insane, finally we got in a bus and then ate some food, got home and I wanted to rest but no. They wanted me to go with them to the pool there. So, I went there without resting and  mid way I again started crying because everyone in the group had the courtesy to ask if everything was alright except Satyam, the guy for whom I had decided to come in the first place.

Learning no. 7: Never ever consider a selfish person your friend. If he is selfish, he is not a friend. He might ditch you anyday for his own self even if you walk on fire for him/her.

But I still decided to give a chance because I am still the forgiving types and this wasn't a big deal.

Went to him and asked him upfront, why he couldn't ask me what was wrong?

His reply - Ye sab chod na, let's think of ahead.

He didn't even consider what I wanted to get past me.

Before I go for another cry, I called the only person I knew could comfort me at this time. Only problem he was sitting in Surat at that time. And instead of the comfort I needed, I started fighting with him as well. Till the point that I almost asked him to stop. Stop being with me. And he even agreed.

The call didn't end there though. I calmed a bit after that. And then asked him, if I was even his girlfriend, whether we were even committed. That's when he said, ofcourse we are, there's no going back now. I guess it should have made me happy as this was the first time he was saying that and commitment was his biggest fear. Still is. But I was so occupied, that it just felt more overwhelming. And I kept his call.

Finally, went and drank two glasses of watermelon juice, wahi free complimentary drink for tears,  and it calmed me a bit more..But that day I couldn't speak with anyone else. All my photos came with such a crappy, forced smile.

Learning no. 8: Always smile. Even if you are in a bad mood. The people are always confused why and the pics come splendid and you might change your mood to keep up with the smile.

The day should have ended here. But we had to pack the bags and leave, me for Mumbai and them to Bangalore. My train was one stop later from kumta and there stop was from Gokarna road..
The catch was that my train was at 8 and there's at 6:30. So, in no way i could miss it.

So, naturally I asked them all to catch the train from kumta, that way all of us would be able to board the train together but Satyam didn't agree to the 1 hour extra journey. He wanted to swim in that extra time. I just wanted one person to accompany me, and Sushant agreed but since auto can only host 4 people at a time, someone else had to come with me too.

All of them were scared and Rishav had to choose between me and Satyam. He chose to go with me.

I could have never hated someone more than Satyam at that time. Would you ask someone to choose between your two most fav people? Anyway, I just ended up leaving that place and instead had multiple kulfis, thanks to Animesh and Rishav's treat. Finally, when we reached home, it was time for me to leave. Sushant was ready and Rishav still looked confused and contemplating. For most of the part, that day I had been silent, so, I was surprised when Animesh came in the room, started packing his bags. In 5 mins he was ready.

'Fuck you all, I am going with her if no one else wants to. That's it. Bahut ho gya. Chal tu.'

And then after that immediate Satyam's response was - 'Good, if it's decided then I can go to swim.'

They had to catch the train in half hour as well and I was beyond words to explain how they were going to, if Satyam went in for a swim at 5:30, to catch a train at 6:30.

However, we left.

For most of the ride back, I remember only smiling because they made sure I was. We discussed a lot of business ideas on our way back and took some good pics, eventually bidding them all goodbye as their train approached Kumta. And they climbed in, where we met all 5 again. And eventually hugged each other goodbye.

I only wanted to do a Gokarna trip at the beginning. Coorg and Goa were planned later. I just realised that sometimes, it's okay to have bad trips too. It teaches you well. But I still have a long way to go.

The kayaking tour

Photo of Tears, a proposal and a choice. by Arpita Shah

Before boarding

Photo of Tears, a proposal and a choice. by Arpita Shah

Crappy and forced smile after 😭

Photo of Tears, a proposal and a choice. by Arpita Shah

After swimming and kayaking through the waters

Photo of Tears, a proposal and a choice. by Arpita Shah

Traveling through the farms

Photo of Tears, a proposal and a choice. by Arpita Shah