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My first solo trip was a 2 day trip to Bandipur National forest. Both the days were filled with activities, so there was little time to really understand if I would feel uneasy with idle time at my disposal.
Before my first solo trip my mind confronted me with the questions like “What will you do with all your idle time?” - But I had planned the first trip in way that there was little idle time. I had deliberately set that question aside as I knew that for me it was important to go out alone first, than answering all difficult questions that my mind would pose.
Now it was time for another solo trip and this time I planned for 7 days around North India. I planned to visit Jaipur and then Jim Corbett National Park. Now this was a different ballgame for me altogether. I had seven days in my hand and my schedule was not so busy.
The morning of the travel arrived and sitting on my bed with a cup of coffee, so many thoughts crossed my mind to overwhelm me. I felt anxious, doubtful, scared - possibly all negative thoughts that can bring me down and push me to cancel my tickets at the last moment.
I thought -
“Maybe I should do some shorter trips before jumping towards a 7 day trip”
“I never thought I have to travel alone! Why am I travelling alone on the first place?”
“Why don’t I have friends who are like minded and want to explore like I do?”
“What if I feel extremely bored and then have to return back?”
After a point I realized that, it was my mind which was trying to test my patience and determination. I thought that I have never gone beyond these thoughts and it’s the fear of the unknown that is trying to bring me down. Later after a few cups of coffee and cigarettes, I decided to let go of these feelings and leave for my trip.
Every step that I took thereafter evoked a sense of awe and fascination for own self. It was something that I had never experienced before – Why did I not try this before? I felt I had never experienced freedom before – Freedom is not being outside jail or in a country which celebrates Independence Day. Freedom is being free of fear, being mentally free of dependence of others to support you. It does not mean that one stops enjoying company of others, rather I felt that as long as I am dependent on others I actually truly cannot enjoy their company.